i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
