you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
