We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize