we made out on top of his cat.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
BRING THE BAGELS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
