I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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