About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
