he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
