three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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