I don't remember. Are we still dating?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
