last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Boobs are out for the taking
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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