Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
