Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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