your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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