I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
