i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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