My balls are so social today.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
3 2 1 whiskey
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
