Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
