My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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