I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
