Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
