What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
