So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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