he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize