Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
