I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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