Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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