He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
