Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
