you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
