Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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