Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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