You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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