So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
