He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't like sucking hair
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
