she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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