You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
