Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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