you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
