She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize