you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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