Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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