my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
