Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
