I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
