Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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