I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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