Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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