my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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