Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
