how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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