Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
