so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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