Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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