he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
