I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
