I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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