angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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