wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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