did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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