his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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