For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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