Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
should my penis look like a turkey
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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