They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
