Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
