I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
