Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
