So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
