I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
