You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
that is very illegal...i love you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
