is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
