There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
