there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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