Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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