did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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