Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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