This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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