I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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