is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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