Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
