I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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