it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
