Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
