Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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