Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
