Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
