my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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