I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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