just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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