Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
