just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
