I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
