Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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