I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
