first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
