He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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