Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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