no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need moral support for this bender
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
