my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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