The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
