Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
