Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
