the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize