JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
