Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
