So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize