is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
