Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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