my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize