so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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