At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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