I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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