Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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